To single, powerhouse women seeking conscious partnerships, do you crush it at work but freeze when it comes to how to write an online dating profile? I feel your pain.
For a long time I said no to meeting someone online. It just didn’t feel right because I believe that the deepest relationships germinate in presence. But in early 2021, after being quarantined my house for a year without any eye contact except the green light at the top of my computer screen, my options were sorely limited. I was turning into a crazy cat lady, except I don’t have any cats.
The final breakdown was the day when Kyle the Instacart shopper messaged me a cheerful “good morning” when he started my shopping. He followed with a bid to let him know if I needed any replacements or additional items because he wanted to make me happy. I courteously replied “thank you.” But what I really wanted to say was: Kyle, are you single? Because if he’d said yes, I’d have told him to add on a 6-pack of beer and deliver those groceries right on top of my kitchen counter.
Social distancing had become a toxic relationship. Even though I was staying home, I was going to get back out there.
Wonder Woman Seeking Conscious Man
So me and another single girlfriend decided to team up and try online dating together. Our own little support group for wonder-women seeking our knights in shining … er, seeking our evolved, conscious partners. One Friday night we sat 6 feet apart on my living room floor, opened our laptops, took deep breaths, and signed up for our matches.
We quickly learned to use the term “dating” loosely, because here’s how it rolls: Messaging back and forth on a Saturday evening about what you usually like to do on the weekend (thank you, quarantine). Meeting up for a “casual drink” in the freezing cold — with masks on. Or 30 minutes on Zoom to see if there’s a “connection” after you’ve already logged in a full day of screen time.
And all of that romance could happen with any of the 638 eligible men within a 50-mile radius of the rural town where I live. My favorite profile so far has been “CKinglaydeeze,” a man who clearly isn’t interested in finding love or even dating at all. But at least he’s prolifically honest. Doesn’t that make him sorta conscious?
What is Seen is What You Get
I must say, the initial profile sort yielded quite a delectable array of men … but they weren’t quite what I was looking for. After hours of sifting, I asked myself, How did all these Barneys land on my desktop? The law of attraction says that what you put out there is what comes back to you. First lesson learned: Just like applying for a new job, the visual screen comes first.
At first I posted my profile from all the right angles and perfectly Insta-filtered. I wanted all the matches to see how smart and fun and sexy I am, and then send me great big super-likes. But now in midlife, and after more than one relationship off the rails, I wanted something different. This time, I wanted someone who will see the real me and love the hell out of it.
I was getting back exactly what I had put out there.
So I re-wrote this poetic profile about all the nerdy things I like to do and what I really needed in our relationship. About how I was gonna wash his flannels and stand by him in a firestorm. I even said that I might let him see my stretch marks … under certain conditions of course.
I didn’t reveal all of the details. I wanted to remain a little mysterious. The goal was to share the most accurate portrait of myself while still protecting myself. There are weirdos out there with stretch mark fetishes, you know.
Admittedly, it sounds a little crazy. I mean, how many likes are you going to get when you are so nakedly honest? But here’s the thing: I don’t need a bunch of likes. I only need one. The right one.
How to Write an Online Dating Profile to Find a Conscious Partner
Women, it’s rough when you crush it at work but feel broken in love. When your fingers freeze on your keyboard as you think about how to write an online dating profile, ask yourself:
Who am I, in my deepest, most truest self? Then envision the person who will be utterly head-over-heels, crazy in love with her, and write your first love letter to them.
Conscious partnerships begin with truth. In fact, truth is the very foundation — without being real, without you both embodying the very essence of who you are, the relationship will eventually dissolve. Unseen, your soul breaks down until you move on to someone who fully desires and receives it — in all its beauty and, equally, in all its tragedy.
Yes, it’s incredibly scary. That’s why conscious partnerships take time. My best relationships have grown through history, when both show up consistently as themselves yet ready to meet the other’s needs. So be honest, but not too honest. Leave a little to the imagination, and be intentional about the time it will take to get to know each other.
The goal for your online dating profile is to attract a match with whom you can take the next step. It’s not to move in together. Have fun, and discover. It’s worth the time and risk, because when you cultivate eros love, everything is better (especially work).
CKinglaydeeze, if you’re reading this, thanks for setting the vulnerability bar high. If you want to get a casual drink sometime, leave a reply below. Oh, and I hope you like cats.